hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
