I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
