Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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