If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You've changed since you got that strap on
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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