Non-Jews are for practice
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
