Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I sprained my soul last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
