hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
