I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
