Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
