She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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