Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize