we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
