Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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