i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
