Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
