i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
