he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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