my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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