I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
