Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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