You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
