don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
