If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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