is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
