Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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