I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
