Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
MIDGETS
????
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
