How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
