I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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