And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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