I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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