TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
