I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
