Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
