remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
