So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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