I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
