hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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