I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
