at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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