I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
