I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
