i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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