i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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