Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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