i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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