you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
