I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
