so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
