I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
