Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you had me at cake vodka
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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