First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
