so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
