I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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