my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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