Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
