every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's shark week go big or go home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
