508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
