It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
