he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
