never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
