He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high enough for therapy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize