hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
