I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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