Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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