like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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