I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
