Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
