I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
