You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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