my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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