Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
