ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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