I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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