Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
