On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
