Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
