She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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