You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize