Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
