I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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