They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
